Among the most prestigious and privileged academic institutions in the world, Cambridge and Yale are now cravenly caving to student demands to “de-colonize” their English literature course offerings by removing white authors.
“What?” you say incredulously: how can American and English colleges, grounded in Western culture, conceived initially as bulwarks of Western values, and serving a primarily English-speaking student body, actually “de-colonize” by purging their literature programs of white American and English authors? Of course, they cannot. It would surprise no one outside of academia that English literature is filled with worthy, first-rate, white male English-speaking authors. Chaucer, Shakespeare, Milton, the list goes on and on. Someone needs to explain to obtuse PhDs everywhere that purging Western culture of western voices and replacing them with non-Western authors is not de-colonization at all. It is, in fact, a remarkably vicious act of colonialism, the very pattern of cultural imperialism that clueless, benighted social just warriors claim to be fighting in the first place.
Such Swiftian absurdity can only flourish on our academic campuses, where a simple reading of Swift would reveal in an instant the bigotry and foolishness of these intellectually empty and politically correct initiatives. If, that is, students were afforded an opportunity to read Swift in the first place.
And while we’re at it, when did bell-cow universities like Cambridge and Yale start allowing undergraduates to determine what will and will not be read in disciplines like literature? If incoming freshmen classes—long on ideology and short on actual knowledge—can so dictate to the tenured radicals that run our corrupt campuses, then why in the world do we need these self-loathing and foolish professors in the first place? Surely undergraduates who so deftly orchestrate what they are and are not prepared to learn can administer their own lectures and process their own grades too.
If universities do not promote and defend knowledge and our hard-won cultural values, what actual purpose do they serve? And if tenured professors in their snug sinecures do not soothe the vicious barbarity of youthful anti-intellectualism with the disciplined tutelage that comes from studying the great men dead, then banish the mortar-boarded Yahoos to the land of the Houyhnhnms, where if they will not learn, they at least won’t be allowed to do any real harm.